Santa!!

We waited an hour knowing what would happen. We weren't kidding ourselves. But we thought it was at least worth a shot.  Obviously, Palmer is somewhat less than thrilled!

Connor enjoyed it again. And he told me tonite that he really believes that Santa is real and that everyone who says he isn't is just a "jerk". I could NOT agree more!

Holiday Hijinx

In December of 1995, my mother wrote me a note which arrived in the US Mail.  It was a comical note as if written to Santa by a little girl.  She and my Dad were going to Maine ("The North Pole") for the weekend and that my sister would be there alone.   She was letting me know that my Dad would not not be home from work on Christmas ("get there fast if you are thirsty").  And I guess my Dad was working on my car for some prolonged period ("little red car") and she was letting me know it was done.  Finally, the "not as jolly" lady she refers to is my Grandmother, who, though lovely, could defnitely not ever be referred to with that word.   The note cracked me up.  Especially the typos and spelling errors...in particular the spelling of "sleigh" as "slay".  It slayed me. 

This clearly required a response.   So one was delivered.  It doesn't scan well, so the transcript is here for your pleasure:

Dear Ms. Bonneau:

Mr. Claus is in receipt of your recent letter, which was not dated.  He has asked me to respond on his behalf due to the time constraints of the season.

Though it may be upsetting, I must inform  you that Mr. Claus has found it necessary to remove your name from the gift-giving rolls.  Due to fiscal cutbacks, he has found it necessary to weed out undesirable recipients.  The grammar, spelling, and overall presentation of your epistle has made you a member of the "undesirable" list.

Mr Claus has also asked me to advise you of the following points:

1.  He resents your implication that he is a compulsive over eater.  He has no difficulty engaging the clip on his seat belt on the sleigh, at any time of the year.

2.  Since you did not arrive at the North Pole at the time you stated, he assumes that you will not be coming.  He is quite pleased to have avoided a confrontation with you. 

3.  ARE YOU NUTS?  Mr. Claus does not bring "goodies" to gift recipients homes.  The recipients often prepare "goodies"for Mr. Claus These goodies are donated to the Anchorage, Alaska Central Food Kitchen and are distributed to the needy.   Any "goodie" that you would have prepared would not have met with our stringent gourmet requirement and would have been immediately destroyed in our incinerator.  

4.  He is unfamiliar with any elf named Michelle.  If she is the person whom he suspects, she does not meet the height and weight requirements of our elf community.   While it is not our intention to discriminate, we simply cannot accommodate such elf candidates. 

5.  He has no need of an additional vehicle.  The elves in the Sleigh Maintenance Department have done an excellent job in maintaining this customary mode of transport.  He suggests that you might find some favor with him if you repaired and returned the "little red car" to is rightful owner.  

6. He is aware that there is an evil Mrs. Claus impostor.  He warns you that if you are associated with her in any way, you may be brought in for questioning.  Questioning policies do include torture with various items including reindeer hooves, giant candy canes, and  sharpened icicles.  We at the North Pole have not signed the Geneva Accords and do not subscribe to the mandates of Amnesty International.  Gestapo Elves are more than anxious to acquire information as to the whereabouts of this evil impostor and will stop at nothing to bring her into custody.  Once in custody, she will be forced for the rest of her life to feed the elves with peach dumplings and cheese pastries. 

In conclusion, Mr. "Clause" would like to advise you that modern word processors are equipped with GrammarCheck, Puncutation Check, and SpellCheck features.  USE THEM!!!

Sincerely, 

Ms. Elfina Goodwater

Public Relations, Recipient Elimination Department

 

The Perch

He's not allowed to eat in the family room so if he' s hungry and a football game is on he big TV, this is where he dines.

The Bus Incident

On Thursday morning it was apparent right away that something was amiss. 

We normally leave for the bus stop at 7:27am and the bus usually arrives between 7:34am and 7:35am.  On this day, we left about two minutes late and when we arrived at the bus stop it was 7:30am and the bus was already there.  Facing the wrong direction.  With a different driver.

Connor jumped out of the car and was one of the last kids to board and the bus pulled away.  I headed straight to the office with Palmer and didn't stay to see how many kids showed up only to find that the bus had come and gone.

It would be reasonable to think that's the end of the story, but that afternoon things took a turn.  Pun intended. From here, Connor tells the story:

"The driver picked us up and turned the wrong way on the big road (Claiborne Pkwy.).  He drove us to the top of the hill and then down into that neighborhood we go through when we go to football practice (The Villages at Waxpool).  When he made that first turn, Mom, kids were confused.  By the time we got down to that neighborhood, kids were screaming 'You're going the wrong way!  Its the wrong way!' "

"Then the driver turned around and headed back the right way and the kids got quiet again.   But then, Mom, he turned into the Nature Center.  Why would he do that?  Then 'cause its small in there he couldn't turn the bus around and he hit the Nature Center sign.  Then, Hayes started screaming  'We're going to juvy!  We're going to juvy!'  After that, every kid on the bus was screaming and yelling that we were all going to juvy.  Mom, it was the loudest place I've ever been in my life."

As he recounts the events, he is laughing hysterically.  I think some of those kids had the most exciting bus ride ever.  I can't imagine how the little ones felt, though.  They must have been horrified.

Connor's final words on the incident:

"It wasn't the driver's fault.  He was really really old."

and

"What's 'juvy'?"

Santa, Baby

Its been absolutely crazy.  I'm doing the jobs of 3 people right now and I never get home before 7pm.  And I leave here at 7:30 in the morning.  I cannot wait for Christmas break at work.  Seriously. 

Santa stopped by the lab today.  And Palmer got to see him.  He wasn't sure about the whole "sit on my lap" thing, but he was friendly enough.  So sweet.

All About ME, By Connor Tate

Hey, CRAZY world!  Before I tell you my name, do you want to meet the coolest third grader, well, here I am.

I'm Connor Tate.  I have brown hair and sharp blue eyes.  I am 57 inches tall.  I'm white skinned.  Also, I'm eight years old.

I was born in Virginia.  My family members are me, Palmer, sweet Mom and my energetic Dad.  However, I have no pets because they died.  I used to have NICE pets.

My favorite color is blue.  When I grow up I want to be a STRONG football player on the Redskins.  I want to play at QB.  When I am at home I like to play Wii.  I will not always pay my Wii.  I sometims play my Blue DS.  In addition, I like cheasy pizza.

I hope you liked my descriptive writing about me.  By the way, I might write another one soon.  Good bye.  I hope you love learning about the AWESOME Connor Tate. 

What's Under Your Kilt?

It wasn't windy yesterday so we didn't have any opportunity to find out the answer to the age old question, "What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?" as we enjoyed the Old Town Alexandria Annual Scottish Walk.  The walk is a great way to kick of the holiday season in the Washington D.C. area.  We've gone off and on for more than 15 years now--more on than off.  Its a tradition for our family but those Scots are hardy folks and they march even in pouring rain and sub teen temperatures.  We admit that the dilution of our gene pool makes us a bit less hardy and we've missed a handful over the years because we just weren't up to the task.

We meet friends for a pub breakfast at Pat Troy's Ireland's Own, and enjoy a Guinness or whisky before the Walk.   Over the years the group has changed, friends come and go, but its always a warm, family atmosphere that sets your mind for the coming weeks of excitement and togetherness.

This was Palmer's first and he really enjoyed it.

This year, the Walk was sponsored by the Government of Scotland and they walked the route about 15 minutes before the start and handed out the Saltire for waving during the fesitivies.  Connor received one by being his charming self.

The Walk is comprised of many pipe and drum corps.  Groups were there from Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Ohio, Maryland, and New Jersey.

And this being a Scottish event, there are alot of DOGS.  The Scots are particularly fond of man's best friend.  Each group marches with a rescue league or club and I am not exaggerating when I say that these packs usually are comprised of between 30 and 50 dogs and owners each.

And then, there's the fashions.   In the past, I dressed Connor in his kilt, but it no longer fits him.   Next year, Palmer will wear it.  The streets are full of folks in tartan everything and there are hundreds of men in kilts.  If you are a woman who finds a kilted man attractive and you don't go to the Walk--you are seriously missing out.  At the pub there was a one legged, tattooed, foot-high green Mowhawked 55 year-old man in a kilt.  It was spectacular.  The fashions in general are just fun.

Manly Kilts

St. Andrews MAN in utility Kilt

 

Boy in kilt with his zips

Man in Kilt with water shoes.  This looks just wrong!

Long Kilt

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Kilt Interpretation

And then there's the other random things you'll see such as this whole unidentified pack of folks in renaissance wear with a tartan twist.  There are lots of men in pantaloons and some very Elizabethan women with alot of cleavage going on.  My theory is that this is the Renaissance Faire folks looking for something to do in the off-season. 

Animal heads on sticks and as decorative shoulder throws:

Odd helmeted folks that scare you:

And sporrans with jeans:

Okay, that's Connor.  He calls it his 'midget purse' and he used it to stash all the candy that was thrown at him during the Walk.

It was, as usual a great time.  Maybe next year it will be windy.   :)