I Hear Voices!

This weekend we got to enjoy the fruits of Connor overcoming a major peer pressure challenge at the very beginning of middle school. Connor likes to sing. He likes to perform. So when his chorus teacher announced tryouts for "All County Chorus", he was naturally interested and somehow expressed that to his classmates. One or two of them told him it was "for girls", and chided him for it. He shared none of this with me and based on the chiding decided not to audition. In a lucky coincidence I noticed something about it on the school's web page and asked him about it. He told me what had happened and that tryouts had be the day before and that he had decided not to do it because he didn't want to take any "crap" over it.

I'll let you imagine the long peer pressure conversation that happened after that. The probing question that seems to really hit home in these circumstances with him is, "Who is happy with this decision? Are you happy?" When you give into others influence and don't do what you think is right and will make you feel good about yourself, you're only making others have power over you. NOTE: Even all of us grownups could use a reminder about this.

Suddenly, a backbone emerged. I think I actually saw it growing.

We decided together that I'd ask his teacher if it was too late and that if he made it he'd be willing to take the "crap" for it, but that it wasn't really worth it to him to take the "crap" just to audition. Good compromise and his teacher was totally understanding. Other kids were still auditioning and she let him do so quietly the next day with no big announcement in class. She and I made it clear to him, though, that if he made it there would be an announcement and discussions in class about rehearsals, etc. That it would not be a secret and that he should be proud of it and prepared to handle any comments or criticisms that might come.

And then the magic happened. He made it. 10 kids from the whole school. One other courageous male as well.

 This is where my professional experience doing sales training, negotiating and communications comes in handy. He steeled himself for the announcement and we role-played how he would handle it when the crap came---as it did. He chose his script response from the various choices we rehearsed and practiced. In the end he went with the simplest:

Boys: What? You tried out? That's for girls. 

Connor: Shut up. Its my life. I get to do what I want and I don't really care what you think. 

And that was the end of that. He said that once it was clear he'd made his choice and that he didn't really need or want their approval, they didn't say much more.

In the end, it all worked out. He had a good time rehearsing early mornings before school and rushed out the door excited to go practice. The day before the concert they took an all day trip to come together with all of the other kids and rehearse for Saturday's show. That, of course, was a big hit. Getting to get out of school for a day to stand around and sing was major remuneration to him.

The show itself was short and sweet. And he got to reconnect with a football teammate of his from a few years ago who also made it. They even got to stand next to each other during the show. It was kind of adorable. It also worked out that his grandmother, aunt and cousins were in town and got to see him perform. He was very proud of himself and we were all proud of him, too.